This is a tough post to write because what I will say is hard to for me to admit.
It is something that's been coming for a while now but I've been resisting saying it 'out loud' [in a manner of speaking] and still refuse to except it. Maybe I believe that putting it in writing will help or even make it go away.
As much as I love gaming...I am not loving gaming.
Here I am celebrating 45 years in the hobby and it is a chore, an uphill drudge through oncoming winds carrying a heavy stone to have something, anything to write about. That is because my blog is an RPG blog primarily and I am just not enjoying gaming like I once did.
There are many different reasons and factors contributing to this but the worst of it is I really hate not being excited about it. I want, more than anything, to love running and playing RPGs again. It's kind of who I am, part of my identity for better or worse. I'm not especially skilled or talented at many things and this is the one thing I think I am actually great at and I'm not having a ton of fun doing it.
Don't get me wrong, I am having some fun. I am not hating it by any stretch but...the magic is missing. My motivation has waned. There are days when it feels arduous to bring myself to want to run or play.
At the same time I am feeling as creative as ever. More so! Have you encountered Midjourney? It is an AI based Image Generator that can create some truly gorgeous pictures by entering in a series of prompt words. I have become pretty obsessed with it. What do I use it for? Creating RPG images and getting inspired by those images to create adventures. Then...not wanting to run or play overly much.
What gives?
Yeah, I can produce incredible campaign art in seconds and so I have. Dozens of planets. A multitude of Alien Species, intelligent and animal life alike. Even some Fantasy stuff for some odd reason. Why though? Why am I doing this if I'm not excited to use for anything?
Simply put, my head is always filled with ideas. It's wonderful and terrible and it's been this way my whole life. I need to create whether I am excited to do so or not. If I don't I feel like my head will pop like a balloon or I'll be crushed under the weight of unrealized concepts.
Anxiety is a b**** i'nit?
Anyway, I've rambled enough. I hope the spark comes back and soon. I miss loving my favorite thing.
AD
Barking Alien
So where's all the art I've been making? Well, I will reveal it slowly, once I can connect it with some game material I am actually motivated to post along with it. The image of my Hogwarts RPG campaign character Frank Pellgrove (previous post) was made with Midjourney.
Hopefully soon.
Wow! I hear you! I've been having a lot of the same feelings lately. i'm playing in one fantasy game that is mostly roll playing and I am more of a role player. And my Star Wars game is dying a slow death. I never really got over losing most of my players for one reason or another During the height of the pandemic. i got one new player but it just hasn't been the same. And the only game I was really having fun playing in, an old school Champions game, was cancelled by the GM.
ReplyDeleteAs you will see if you check in this month (September 2022), I've recently been inspired and reinvigorated to work on various Science Fiction related RPG projects.
DeleteMy hope is to work on them now and have something ready to run in October.