Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Muppet Monster Manual

FRACKLE




FREQUENCEY: Uncommon*
NO. APPEARING: 3-8
ARMOR CLASS: 7
MOVE: 10'
HIT DICE: 3
% IN LAIR: 10%
TREASURE TYPE: A
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: By Weapon or 2D4
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Nil
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Creep Out (See Below)
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: Low to Average
ALIGNMENT: Chaotic Neutral
SIZE: Medium (3 1/2' to 5')
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes: Nil

Frackles are medium sized, somewhat avian looking humanoids covered in shaggy, unkempt fur. These strange creatures come in a variety of colors and have even been known to have skin of one hue and fur of a different, completely clashing one. All have some sort of beak like snout and many sport sharp teeth and fangs but other details can vary widely.

Frackles are, by and large, sneaky, dishonest troublemakers without the wits and guile to be especially good at the trade. While you will occasionally run into a Frackle con man of some skill, for the most part the Frackles are henchmonsters most likely to be found in the employ of a smarter ne'er do well on a budget. For the aspiring villain, keep in mind that the Frackles are not evil per se, simply opportunistic and can be chatty when bored. Give them something to do and don't make it complicated or they might spill the beans on your plan.

Frackles normally attack with a bite or a simple hand held weapon like a club or a hammer. Their only real special ability is that they just creep people out. Their weird appearance and strange voices (often high pitched, cracking or scratching) cause anyone who spends more than one round in their presence to save vs. Petrification / Paralyzation or be Creeped Out, suffering a -2 on all rolls until they get used to being around these things (Lasts 6 rounds minus Wisdom Bonus - So a character with an 18 Wisdom (+4) is only Creeped Out for 2 rounds).

Frackles have simple, oddball names like Gloat, Mo or Boppity but are just as likely to be referred to by their shape, color or appearance like Blue Frackle, Green Frackle, Cagey Frackle, etc.

*Frequency is a bit off in these entries just like it is in the original Monster Manual. I mean, weren't Goblins 'Uncommon'. You know, the things you met and fought constantly in every dungeon everywhere for the first three to five levels of your characters existence. Yeah. Frackles would be 'Uncommon' like that.


HEAP




FREQUENCEY: Rare
NO. APPEARING: 1(2)
ARMOR CLASS: 3
MOVE: 30'
HIT DICE: 7
% IN LAIR: 10 %
TREASURE TYPE: C
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 3-30
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Swallow Whole
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: Average
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Evil
SIZE: Large (7-10' Wide, 7-9' Tall)
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes: Nil

These wandering, mound shaped Monsters are always hungry and will eat practically anything and anyone. Only vaguely humanoid in form, a Heap has no real neck to speak of and a head that is largely all mouth. Some Heaps have numerous spindly appendages that give them a spider-like appearance. Visual variations on the Heaps are often used to identify individuals and types. The Gorgon Heap, for example, has a long snake like trunk for a nose while the Green Heap and Purple Heap definitely have a more arachnid oriented visages.





A Heaps primary mode of attack coincides with its primary purpose in life, which is to eat things in one gulp with it massive jaws. On a natural attack roll of 19-20, the Heap can swallow a smaller-than-human sized opponent whole in one bite. A Human sized opponent is considered to have half their body in the Heap's maw and half out. A victim so eaten, if still alive due to hit points, can certainly attempt to climb out of the Heap's mouth. Be aware that the Heap will attempt to bite down on anyone leaving and even go so far as to try and push them back in with its spider-like legs.

Heaps usually hunt alone but will occasionally team up with one other to intimidate prey into staying put and not try to escape.

The Heap species should not be confused with the compost pile oracle known as 'The All Knowing Trash Heap' of Fraggle Rock.


DELBERT THE DRAGON






FREQUENCEY: Unique
NO. APPEARING: 1
ARMOR CLASS: 0
MOVE: 40' / 120'
HIT DICE: 11 ( 88 hp )
% IN LAIR: Special*
TREASURE TYPE: G
NO. OF ATTACKS: 1 / 1 / 3
DAMAGE/ATTACK: 3-30 / 3-18 / 2-12, 2-12, 3-18
SPECIAL ATTACKS: Breath Weapon, Tail Strike
SPECIAL DEFENSES: Nil
MAGIC RESISTANCE: Standard
INTELLIGENCE: Average
ALIGNMENT: Neutral Good
SIZE: Large (9 ft Tall, 14 ft from Nose to Tail)
PSIONIC ABILITY: Nil
Attack/Defense Modes: Nil

Delbert is a smallish, young adult Red Dragon of the type normally found in lands to the West, though he has an interest and affinity for many things from the East, notably cuisine. He spends much of his time visiting the kitchens and pantries of the Western Kingdoms discussing his favored oriental foods with cooks and kitchen help, sometimes assisting them in preparing meals. As he leaves he always requests that those he helped pass on the skills he taught them to others.

Good natured, friendly and helpful in the extreme, Delbert is nonetheless not the smartest dragon you'll ever encounter. While indeed knowledgeable about his given interests, he is clumsy, doesn't always consider that his size and bulk may not fit easily along cramped Human corridors and is generally unaccustomed to conflict.

When he must fight or simply by accident as he tries to show others the best way to make Lo Mein, Delbert will breathe a jet of fire in a slightly tighter than standard cone (3-30 damage}. He can also swing his tail for a tail strike ( 3-18 damage), which, as noted, he sometimes does naturally causing collateral damage in enclosed spaces. Finally, in an emergency or when eating a beef bowl he uses a basic claw, claw, bite attack (2-12, 2-12 and 3-18 respectively).

Delbert is 9 feet tall with a roughly 4 foot tail. His hide is primarily a yellow-orange color on his head but the rest of his body is covered in thick scales in varying shades of red.





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Barking Alien


Muppet Quotes

Lothar: "Speak for yourself. I'm full of the Christmas Spirit."
Cosmo Scam: "Et tu, Lothar? I'm surrounded by traitors."

Here's A Muppet News Flash!

The Frackles first appeared in The Great Santa Claus Switch, a very fun 1970 Muppet Christmas special in which a villain named Cosmo Scam (Art Carney) kidnaps Santa Claus (Art Carney) with the intention of replacing him, traveling around the world in one night and "stealing everything from everybody". Scam also captures Santa's Elves one by one and replaces them with his own henchmen, the Frackles. One Frackle pops out of a cigar box and has a familiar lavender green color and crooked nose. This creature would later evolve into the one and only Gonzo the Great (losing his Frackle status and becoming a 'whatever').

While there has been numerous 'all mouth' Monsters on Sesame Street and the Muppet Show, the Heaps date back all the way to the Muppets' appearances on Ed Sullivan.

Delbert is the proper name of 'The La Choy Dragon', a full bodied Muppet used in a TV commercial campaign for La Choy Chinese Food from 1965 to 1967. His catchphrase after helping people try something new for dinner was, "And remember (or sometimes 'Tell them'), you heard it from the La Choy Dragon!"

The Monster Manual format used here is from the Advanced Dungeons & Dragons 1st Edition Monster Manual. Unable to find my copy and rusty on anything D&D related, I hope I filled out the information correctly to represent the creatures chosen.

When Erin Palette asked me why I didn't use 3rd Edition or 3.5 with which I am more familiar I noted that all of the Monsters listed are from productions made prior to 1983. Old School Muppets deserves Old School Stats.


 

3 comments:

  1. So... Cookie Monster is to Heaps as dogs are to wolves?

    ReplyDelete
  2. I just started reading your blog; great stuff! Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete