I've been rather depressed lately.
Part of it is our current global pandemic, part of it our political and social issues here in the US, and part of it my personal economic troubles which have not been helped by either of the aforementioned situations. I have also been feeling like...well...like I am not getting the most out of my gaming time.
This last situation could be the result of my depression and accompanying anxiety but in the worst kind of self-perpetuating cycle it is usually gaming that digs me out of the dumps and if that isn't happening...yeah.
I am gaming more - far more in fact - than I was before the pandemic, yet none of it seems quite as satisfying. That's not to say it isn't good and I hope none of my players or GMs read this and think I am not enjoying our time together. Oh contraire! I am having a great time for the most part and very much like the games I am both running and playing in.
It's just that...
They feel like filler episodes. They're fun stints into the various milieus and systems we are exploring but very little of it feels meaningful, deep, or (to sound extra pompous) artful. These adventures are fun experiences but they don't push the plot or larger character development of Adam-as-Gamer.
For my Sunday game, for example, I am re-visiting Aerth, my Medieval-But-Not Fantasy setting with yet another campaign featuring The Winghorn Guard (see many previous entries on this esteemed order of do-gooders). I am doing a twist on them I've always wanted to do but never got the chance to previously, with the PCs being members of the covert/espionage arm known as The Winghorn Rangers. It's less Avengers vs Thanos and more Agents of Shield vs Hydra.
Was it good? The Zero Session went pretty well, though one player was sadly out sick.
Was is SPECIAL though? Hmm...no, not particularly. It didn't do anything different, shake the earth, or feel especially epic or unique.
Did it need to? No, not really. Not to be a good game.
I would like it to. I would like something to.
I would like that very much and I kind of need it right now.