Monday, June 27, 2011


Clifford sees Kermit and tells him about what's going on with NAASO and the MIB. Kermit is a little freaked out and asks when NAASO called. Clifford says it was like an hour ago but he didn't want to harsh Kermit's mellow. The show seemed to be going so well.

Rowlf does a quick humorous song interlude (actually I did this. I wanted to lightened the manic pace and have a favorite Rowlf song I figured would work. I'm also working hard to improve my Rowlf impression).

Sam does a lone editorial on the danger proposed by the presence of aliens. It appears he misunderstood Master Chief and thought he was referring to illegal aliens from Mexico, Cambodia and other filthy foreign countries. Like Canada. Master Chief fires Sam from his inner circle.

Pepe tells Master Chief everything is ready. He and Rizzo got armor, weapons and everything else the Chief needs. Master Chief tells them thanks but it seems like he was wrong. The Chief apologizes to Kermit for the huge misunderstanding. He can't wait to let loose, relax and join them in their closing number.

When Kermit confronts Pepe and Rizzo about all the weird armor, laser guns and such that they have, the pair quickly comes up with the story that these are just props. Kermit thinks they're perfect for the closing number then. Pepe and Rizzo nod and 'smile' as Kermit leaves and then look at each other in panic.

The closing number gets set up. The band is in position. Pepe and Rizzo handle the 'props'. Crazy Harry is handling the lighting, sound and special effects (oh yeah). Pigs, Penguins and Chickens put on costumes. Beau and Sweetums use their combined super strength to lift part of the Muppet Theater to get the closing number set on stage.

Kermit introduces the closing number.

I describe a drop ship descending toward the planet below. Serious Traveller style stuff here. The vessel shudders as it goes through the clouds. An interior shot shows most of the Pigs and some Chickens wearing Star Wars Stormtrooper armor (Pepe: "Hey, it was cheap, okay."). The Penguins and some Pigs are still dressed as ancient Spartans. Master Chief is there. Gonzo is wearing Boba Fett/Mandalorian armor with a Gears of War suit over it.

I start to snap my fingers and sing...

Somebody's gonna hurt someone,
before the night is through.
Somebody's gonna come undone.
There's nothin' we can do.
Everybody wants to touch somebody,
(at which point I punch my fist into my palm to emphasize 'touch')if it takes all night.
Everybody wants to take a little chance,
Make it come out right.

There's gonna be a heartache tonight,
a heartache tonight, I know.
There's gonna be a heartache tonight, I know.
Lord, I know.

Backstage, Kermit, Clifford, Scooter and several other Muppets are watching and having a great time. Kermit can't believe how well staged this production is.

Suddenly, two MIB Muppets come up to Kermit and Clifford to ask if they're in charge. Unlike the first two Muppets in Black, these guys look like 'Human' Muppets(think Waldorf or the Newsman). One of the MIB's (Smith - of Smith and Jones - wink, wink) is the guy Clifford originally spoke to on the phone from NAASO. They believe their are aliens impersonating them. This begins one of the funniest exchanges of the game...

MIB: Have you seen anyone strange, odd, unusual?
Clifford: Seriously?
Kermit: Can you be more specific?
MIB: Someone who acts in a bizarre manner.
(Lew Zealand hurries by practicing his Boomerang Fish Act).
Scooter: Bizarre in what sense?
MIB: Someone who looks frightening or speaks in an unintelligible dialect.
(Swedish Chef walks by discussing...something...with Big Mean Carl).
Scooter: I'm just not following you.

Meanwhile, the camera cuts to Crazy Harry who proceeds to light a really, really long fuse. The fuse is connected to a cartoon 'cannonball' bomb which is in turn wired to several clutches of dynamite sticks, which are connected to a mess of C4, that surround a cold war era, rust cover nuclear missile.


There's gonna be a heartache tonight,
A heartache tonight, I know.
There's gonna be a heartache tonight,
A heartache tonight, I know.
Lord I know.

Back on stage the drop ship lands and all the occupants spill out. In the distance ("Anyone ever notice the Muppet Show stage is kinda like the Holodeck?"), a bright flash beams a dozen or so aliens down of all shapes and sizes. The largest three are full-body Muppets the height of Sweetums. The 'leader' is a furry, blue, turtle like thing. The other two resemble an bug/aardvark hybrid and a fish guy. They fire ray guns into the air and charge at Master Chief and company.

Just then...the escape pod from the Pigs in Space sequence crashes down in the middle of the set. Strangepork is dazed but Link sees his chance to shine. He quickly changes costume to that of King Leonidas (or as Erin Palette suggested, 'Pigonidas'). He takes command of the unit of Spartan Pigs, Chickens, etc. He attacks the aliens! it seems...

There's gonna be a heartache tonight,
the moon's shinin' bright
so turn out the light, and we'll get it right.
There's gonna be a heartache tonight, a
heartache tonight I know.
Heartache baby,

Penguins battle aliens. Alien defend themselves against Stormtrooper Chickens. Master Chief is blasting away at the opposition. Persian Cats join the fight but since they're Persian they attack the Spartans.

Beau finds the lit fuse and thinks it might be dangerous so he picks up a sink full of water and tries to put it out. Animal, thirsty from playing on stage, drink the water as it's poured.

Somebody's gonna hurt someone, (somebody)
Before the night is through
Somebody's gonna come undone,
There's nothin' we can do
(Everybody) Everybody wants to touch somebody
if it takes all night
Everybody wants to take a little chance
To make it come out right

Link interjects and changes the words to...

There's gonna be a Hogthrob tonight
A Hogthrob tonight, I know
There's gonna be a Hogthrob tonight,
A Hogthrob tonight ,I know
Let's go.

Link storms off stage, heads backstage and demands from Kermit that he be given higher billing based on his performance in this episode (Brilliant move by Link's Player. Didn't see it coming). Link uses his 'Inflated Ego' and spends a Star in an attempt to Upstage Kermit. Kermit (me) responds with 'Eye of the Storm' in order to remain calm. Scooter pops in to aid Kermit, the player working with Kermit using his Shtick 'Right Hand Man'. We roll. Three way tie!!! Who's got the most Star Power...Kermit The Frog baby! But I was so impressed I said (starting in an angry voice and then calming to normal), "LINK!...I'll consider it. As long as you finish the...your closing number."

Link was so happy (hilarious performance by the Player who described Link nodding yes and then skipping back on stage like a happy child).

We can beat around the bushes;
we can get down to the bone
We can leave it in the parkin' lot,
but either way, there's gonna be a
heartache tonight, a heartache tonight I know.
There'll be a heartache tonight
a heartache tonight I know.

Lew Zealand, dashing across the battlefield, tossing Boomerang fish hither and yon, spots the large fish guy alien and decides to communicate with him (Lew can talk to fish). "OK you! Why are attacking us and stuff. Mr. The Frog is not gonna like it."

"Attacking? Who's attacking. We came all the way here from the planet Koozbane to get Master Chief's autograph. We love that guy. HALO rules!"

Hey, do you smell something burn...


Crazy Harry pyrotechnic masterpiece blows the Muppet Theater away. Smoke, flames, debris, props, scenery and Muppets are everywhere. Sweetums tries to catch the smaller Muppets as they fall back to Earth. Big Mean Carl tries to eat the smaller Muppets as they fall back to Earth. Sweetums catches Bean Bunny and throw him over to Carl.

The show closes with Bunsen spraying everyone with his latest invention Anti-Radiationizing Foam (which comes in Orange, Grape, Lemon and standard Vanilla). Kermit thanks Master Chief for being on the show, I thank everyone for participating in the game and we'll see you next time on The Muppet Show.
The actual final lines were a quip delievered by Waldorf and Statler.


Barking Alien