Did you just make food come out of the wall?

So you've asked yourself, "Who is that smiling, green-hued, distinctly canine gentleman to the right and why is he there?" You haven't? Well go ask yourself now. Go ahead, take your time, I'll wait. There now wasn't that easy? You really should talk to yourself more often. Look, don't take my word for it, after all you have to live with you, not me.Where was I? Ah yes, the emerald pooch.

That is none other than Ambassador Bartholomew B. Barkley, interstellar diplomat, galactic entrepreneur and cosmic celebrity extraordinaire! Barkley is a non-player character I created on the fly for a one-shot RPG adventure set in the universe of Galaxy Quest, the 1999 SciFi Comedy film starring Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver and Alan Rickman amoung others. I love that movie and it was nothing less than destiny that drove me to try and turn it into a role playing game.

Barkley was one of several frightening looking 'spidery legged, dog things' (according to my notes from back in 2003) that seemed to attack the PCs as they approached an abandoned NSEA outpost. The player characters end up firing at the barking, growling creatures, zapping one to death before the universal translators kick in and it turns out the natives are just trying to scare the newcomers 'off'a thar property'. Read my previous post...Never trust universal translators.

Barkley proceeds to demand reparations for the poor treatment of his species and insists he is not intimidated or impressed by the strange ways or fancy tools of the Galaxy Quest crew. To calm the irate alien, the crewmembers use a 'replicator' to give him something to drink and eat. Barkley is stupified. Staring at the device he says, "Did you just make food come out of the wall? FOOD just came out of the WALL!" Barkley then changes his tune in an attempt to cash in on his situation and a chance to hang out with the 'magic food wall' people. Essentially moving into quarters on the PCs' ship, he declares himself 'Ambassador Barkley' and helps them out on their mission between bouts of creative mooching.

Barkley remains one of my favorite characters I've ever created. I can't wait for a chance to use him again. Hopefully soon...heheh...

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Beyond Human Comprehension

In an old game of Traveller I ran back in the early 90's my group encountered an alien being (a Hiver) in a spaceport bar who wished to hire them. It proceeded to communicate its intentions through the use of a 'Universal Translator' type device around its neck. Finally, the creature explained that it wanted the adventurers to locate a "Beyond Human Comprehension", hidden in the wreckage of a downed spaceship.

The perplexed players looked at each other and then to me and said, "He wants us to find a what?

"A "Beyond Human Comprehension" !" went the mechanized voice issuing forth from the translating gizmo. The alien frantically motioned with its flipper/tentacles, drew a scribbled sketch on a napkin, waved its body parts around and all the while the highly advanced communication facilitator chirped, "Beyond Human Comprehension! Beyond Human Comprehension!"

Eventually it shook its head appendage and waddled off downtrodden.

This is how I feel when I try to explain what interests me to non-geeks. My only consulation is that like my alien friend, I know its because we fans are a far more advanced and enlightened species.

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